Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
