i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
