If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
