it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
