there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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