she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He felt like a one man threesome
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
