fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
