Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
