Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
