i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
