Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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