I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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