remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
