I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
