In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
