I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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