return my video game
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Best friends brother. Beat that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
