the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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