...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
