I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
