i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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