Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
