JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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