you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
