so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
