I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
