You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
