Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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