so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
