He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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