I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
