Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
