Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
