You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
