I CAN MOONWALK!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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