If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
