...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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