I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
