I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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