he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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