Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
