tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My balls are so social today.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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