You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
