I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
