Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
