How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
