I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
