my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
