Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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