how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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