Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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